things could be different...

why do they insist on making things in their life this difficult? don't they realize that things could be better. should be better. better for them.. and better for me.. better for us. HOME is supposed to be a place of safety, a place of refuge and love. i'm not supposed to feel like i need to escape to other places to get away from home. oh how i wish they were happier. i wish WE as a family were happier. I wish they just realized things dont have to be this tough.

The spirit testifies to me all that is true

The missionaries that taught me had such strong testimonies it was like fire in my bones...i felt the power of what they were saying and the truth. It all bore witness to my spirit. For them i am forever grateful. I've found my home. ♥

The spirit that has been felt tonight was... beyond words to even explain. I'm truly happy. I wouldn't change a thing in my life. I trust in heavenly father with every bone in my body and with every breath i take. With every decision i have to make he is involved every step of the way.

simple things

I am grateful for a lot of things but two very simple little things i am absolutely grateful for... and instantly make me happy would be the rain and the stars. I guess they're are not so little but things that are not appreciated by a lot of people. But i certainly appreciate and give thanks to my Savior for these two earthly things that give me pure happiness and calm me. :)

"my dear friend"

day 1... 24 months to go. no more late night texts. no more pop rock moments. or hit in the heads. or even chasing you around with the camera.never thought we would of became as close as we did. i'll miss you best friend. hugs.. and more hugs...and even more hugs to you.

Friends

so basically this is for all th YSA's i hang out with. they are just freaking amazing and just basically awesome people. they are a blessing in my life. i thank heavenly father for them... with all my heart. :) couldn't have chose better people to spend my life with. To share the good and the bad. Whether it's a simple kick back at someone's home watching a movie...scripture study...or a cereal party, dancing and singing our butts off. It's always just the greatest times. Things i'll never forget and try not to take for granted. All of you put a huge SMILE on my face and in my heart. LOVE YOU ALL!

Needed Time

So although i still find a lot to smile about, and i still can think of things to smile for. I can't bring myself to smile for them. If that makes any sense. Today is just one of those days where I'm going to hide my smile away from the world. So though I am grateful for the past couple of days that have been pretty great, I am so happy to be home. Where i think is where I'm going to stay for awhile. I'm in need of just me time, of reevaluating my life. And what I'm going to do with it. How I'm going to get by In this hectic world. These are the things that have been on my mind lately but what i seem to have been pushing aside. Maybe for the fact I'm afraid to move on, or just I'm not sure what to do. I used to pray about it all the time. I never felt as if i got an answer so i just gave up on that one. But i think it's time to keep praying about it. I'm getting older and so far I don't think I've accomplished that much. So this is definitely much needed time i need to take for myself to figure things out.
-A scripture i read recently. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress; My God; in him will I trust. -Psalms 91:2

New Look On Things

ohhhh jeeezz these past couple of days have been quite well. Starting from the middle of last week things have just been pretty great. i think im pretty much out of my stooper i was in. And it feels absolutely amazing. I freakin love all my friends. I love hanging out with them. I thank them for all the good times, laughs, and smiles. And i hope the good times continue to come. :) Been finding a lot to smile about lately. "Begin each day with a grateful heart."

reason to smile

ive decided this is going to be my motto... or whatever. so instead of my usual thinking that everything is just going to be bad or turn to crap. or instead looking for the bad in everyday life and dwelling on them. im going to simply do the opposite. i will always try to find a reason for smiling and instead of staying in a gloomy mood or complaining about the things that may not be going right. theres always something else to feel happy about...or at least smile about. find that something or someone and be thankful for it. i thank heavenly father for having such an amazing best friend. and among many other things. but her i am truly grateful for. she's one person who is always making me smile. somehow even during those rough times. BFFE.

"i hope you always find a reason to smile."

you make my heart smile

its going to be harder then i thought to stop talking to you. well not completely stop talking to you, just enough to stop falling for you. you make me so happy when im talking with you. not only do you put a smile on my face...but also in my heart. <3

have patience

so today i woke up feeling not so horrible. it was a nice feeling. so through my day i went off of that great feeling. finally no feelings of anger or sadness or frustration. it was an amazing relief. i went to FHE today in such a great mood.i was energetic. actually interacting with people, laughing and the whole shabang, without feeling as if i was faking it. i almost got down here and there. and possibly towards the end i did. but when i left and made that drive home. i popped in my church cd. it really helped. thats what i had hoped it would do. i dint want to get to far back into that state of mind again. so once again im doing okay. im in a slow steady process of rebuilding my faith. i pretty high hopes. its about time i learn to do this on my own. i need to learn how to be strong on my own without depending on someone to pick up the slack.not saying its a bad thing. just i need to learn not to not rely completely on someone else, to not become dependent on them. i know i can do this, there may be times where i may fall. but as long as i believe in god and his love for me, i will be okay. this is only the beginning of my journey. and as long as i do what i need to i will always have the spirit to be with me. to protect and guide me. i love my savior and i thank you for every one of my many blessing you gave me. i can do this.. and i will be strong. Always remembering you are greatest when you walk with god. i will have the patience to work through my afflictions.

But that ye have patience, and bear with those afflictions, with a firm hope that ye shall one day rest from all your afflictions.-Alma 34:40-41

noticing me

from the very first hang out we had together, i felt as if you were watching my every move. i'd glance your way, and just for a bit i caught your stare. my heart jumped a bit. (i look away.) some time goes by. and once again i feel your eyes on me. (am i imagining things?)this time i caught you. i smile at you. you smile back. but im confused because you looking at me comes off two different ways. i felt as if it was possibly a nervous one like mine. as if maybe you thought i was staring at you too. so you kept checking. (but that could quite possibly be just in my head...right?) then it could be what im actually favoring more, what i want to be more true then the other reason. that ive actually caught your interest. that maybe im beautiful to you. maybe i hold some type of mystery for you. with all my heart i wish this is true. to even think that its possible gives me those butterflies in my tummy feeling.and then today to see your smile was just what i needed. for the split moment i was with you i finally wasnt thinking about anything else. the things that drain me every second of my life. in that moment to see your smile...made me truly smile. i could feel the happiness in my heart as soon as i saw you and you walked my way to talk to me. you were my savior for the day. the one who momentarily blocked all other things from running through my mind. the best way to describe it is like, you were an anti virus that blocks all those unwanted pop up ads. the things that sooner or later break down your system. i thank you...i thank you from the bottom of my heart for that moment shared with you.

Lack of time

Time is not forever. lately i feel as if time is escaping from the grasps of my finger tips.